Here at G.L.I.S.C.O headquarters we’re actually very concerned about charity. Not to the extent that we’d actually stop on Buchanan Street for one of those brightly anoraked charity types other than to ask how much they’re getting paid an hour. But, when we heard about what can only be described as a devastating example of human rights violation happening in our very own country, we leapt on the cause.

On Saturday 18th June, Euan Clarke – party person and all round sound guy – was viciously* refused entry to the dancin’ on the mistaken assumption that he was, or had the capacity to become, a mongo. The accusation may have come from an occasion a few months earlier, at the same club, in which Euan was toddled to the mongo pen after getting a little overexcited, where he was sedated by soft lighting, soft toys, and the panpipe album of George Michael’s back catalogue until he recovered enough to make his way home*.

On the night in question, shocked and outraged*, he immediately attempted to contact the nation’s finest media watchdogs, the Daily Mail, to ensure his story was reported fairly and accurately. Unfortunately the story was dropped after failing to reach a satisfactory score on the 24/7 Daily Mail Newsdesk automated phone service ‘hot keyword calculator’, which required that the story reference at least one, but preferably all, of the following: Princess Diana, people on strike or the Polish.

Disillusioned and unsure of where to turn, Euan was forced to go to another club instead, having an ‘alright’ night. Little did he know, a host of friends, complete strangers and famous personalities – including DJ Mehdi, Joe and Will Ask and someone who we think is Tiga’s boss – were at that moment joining together to record their own personal message to both Euan and the perpetrators of this injustice.

*Citation needed.

If you have been affected by the issues in this post, we don’t have a hotline to call, but you could start your own campaign. Just upload it to the comments box below and we will add it to ours. If you’ve been refused entry to a club by a Polish bouncer wearing a Princess Diana mask, phone the Daily Mail.

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