In a political move equivalent to someone’s dad turning up at a party in Converse hi-tops, playing Laid by James from the car stereo at a slightly louder volume than normal and asking if anyone wants to ‘take some marijuana’, Prime Minister David Cameron confirmed his status as a prime knobhead yesterday when he issued the following statement to disbelieving journalists across the UK in response to moral panic relating to rumours of a huge anti-royal wedding street party in Glasgow’s Kelvingrove park today:

“These pen pushers and busybodies are completely wrong. They have no right to stop you from having fun. I am the Prime Minister and I am telling you if you want to have a street party, you go ahead and have one.”

Mad wae it: PM David Cameron at Kelvingrove Park this morning

Since the statement, which is now being referred to across the UK as ‘kelvingrove gate’, or ‘knobhead gate’ for short, rumours have been circulating as to whether the PM was  Cameron was either caught up in a rare wave of post-sex euphoria, still feeling the effects of the night before, or whether he was in fact blackmailed, following threats by a well-known member of the national branch of Glasgow’s premier young team ‘the bundy’.


In yet another G.L.I.S.C.O exclusive, we can exclusively reveal that Cameron in fact made the statement following a Facebook message received in the early hours of Tuesday morning, and does indeed refer directly to the Strathclyde Polis and the organisers of the Kelvingrove park party (and by ‘organisers’, we mean the person who initially posted the event, without whom Kelvingrove park, in Glasgow’s student-populated and affluent west end, would obviously be deserted on this sunny, socialist/communist/hippie-taunting excuse of a bank holiday).


In an impressive feat of computer hackery, G.L.I.S.C.O. has managed to track down the original Facebook message, the author of which remains anonymous. A substantial reward* will be offered to anyone able to identify the writer.

Arright davo How you doin mate! Things good? Tried to get u on the phone but cant get thru, u been cut off again? Bastads!!! lol happens to all of us mate

wer’e having a bit of a party today for willys wedding n that and just wondered if u can do us a favour. the polis are being pure dicks about it and mongo and titwipe and the boys comin down for it an everythin so dont want it getting shut down befor weve even started lol. if u can have a word and say ‘im pure the prime minister n that and if i say yous can drink in the park then thats fuckin kosher, lets get on it’ that wd be BRILLIANT Mate!

if u fancy poppin up yourself mate i can get u a deal on the megabus, my mate paul at work knows some bird who got af with one of the drivers at creamfields las year so she gets free tickets as long as she doesnt tell his wife she is a pure mentalist mate… u kno the score!! let me kno if ur short on cash ive just been down the cheque centre i will lend it to u just pay us back when u get paid mate. is a pure mission like 8 hours or somethn but at least u cn get on it on the buses…. trains are DICKS!! would be fuckin cool to see u again mate, been way to long!

btw that jill-janet bird will be there but dont worry everyons forgotten about the thnig with u 2 in the shoppin trolley mate n shes pure calmed down since she got a job at the station

*Subject to availability and the identifiee getting to the park in time for there to be some booze left. If there is indeed no alcohol, reward will comprise a cold, slightly flattened sausage roll with some tobacco strands and a Fruitella stuck to the bag, and a line of filter tips, again with accompanying tobacco strands.

This entry was posted in NEWS and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. acidhosted says:

    Nick Clegg flies in the official government bouncy slide as way of apology for not making it (some shite excuse about a wedding to go to):!/photo.php?fbid=10150168357911773&set=a.10150168356151773.300508.504041772&type=1&theater

  2. Blondie says:

    It was me, the original and very much unofficial organiser of todays lil event in the park. Just for the record I invited a few (approx 20) people to the park to get the decks on the go and to have a bit of a picnic for the plesant bank holiday weather anticipated. Unfortunatley some miscellaneous knobber took my event email and posted it to EVERYONE. I am currently missing all the fun as i’m not due to finish work for another hour……all i wanted was a few drinks, some tunes and a bit of scran however, as the 14 thousand replies to my facebook has shown, a quiet day of it it may not be!! The police are already outnumbering the grovers 2-1 and due to this high police presence many people are leaving as soon as they get there! I would just like to add that after speaking to the police i can assure everyone they are not there to take your drinks…..just to make sure you drink responsibly and have a jolly good time without the infiltration of neds or bams. so take some drinks and take some snacks and have a good ol boogie to the fantastic tunes on offer! Might i also add that the knobbers who have hijacked this and turned it into some sort of promotional event at Club 520 and O’Couture take note…………………………..YOUR CLUBS ARE SHITE!!

  3. Pingback: Top Posts —

  4. JJ Gardner says:

    I am proud of what we achieved.

  5. acidhosted says:

    Good photos of the actual event from Gavin Reynolds. Unfortunately, Cameron had passed out in a bush by this point after ‘having a bash’ at ‘that ketamine thing the kids are raving about’.

  6. Steven Coillet says:

    I didn’t read this article, but I skimmed down to the bottom. Sounds like everyone had a good time tho.

    BTW Gavin Reniolds photos are really good, might hire him for my wedding (if it ever happens lol)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s