A ROYAL ISSUE: WHO ARE MONARCHY?

Monarchy do retro-futurism with style

I’ve not been this excited about an act in a while. Here’s a rough thought process.
 
Fact: Monarchy are a MYSTERY duo. As in, no-one knows who they are!
 
What fun! Floating in their weird internet voidy type universe, slyly letting out gemmy little electro-pop tracks from time to time, wearing what I imagine are subtle, sharply ironed trousers in neutral tones, drinking strong black coffee, and generally coming as close as possible to my dreamy stereotype of the average cosmopolitan French gentleman without actually being French. Monarchy could never be French; they could never be anything. They have no ties to our dull, banal society, based as it is on small-town gossip and the all-powerful cult of celebrity  No no. They are too cool for such trivial detail. Music is their food, their society, their sex. In fact, if only more of us eschewed the claustrophobic binds of social identity and learned to create our art outwith not just geo-tagging and Facebook but the very boundaries of social existence and possible even time itself
 
Fact: Stuart Price heavily rumoured as one half. Fred Falke heavily rumoured as the other.
 
OK, forget all that ‘music is their society’ shite… Stuart Price?! I would happily accept that Monarchy are Human After All if it’s Stuart Price (aka Jacques Lu Cont/Thin White Duke) behind them. He is an amazing producer – Madonna’s Confessions On A Dancefloor and the Scissor Sisters’ Nightwork are probably two of the best. One of the best moments of 2010 was when Hung Up made it on to the last ever Optimo playlist, much to the ecstatic delight of fellow G.L.I.S.C.O diva Miranda ‘Madonna is Pure The Best Thing Ever But’ Ralston.
 
Fact: Now unsure whether I’m more interested in the music, or the celebrity.
 
I want to say, thankfully, the music is good enough to stand alone. Because they are making great, fresh tunes – cold, sharp, precise – a bit like a tidy fridge. (You know that feeling – your ketchup is aligned and therefore so is the universe.) But, would I have been equally excited without the whole mystery thing? Or, is the mystery gimmick actually making me think the tunes are flimsier than they really are? Or… ARHGGGHHHH MIND FUCK EXPLOSION.
 
Breathe.
 
Current rumours regarding possible identities:

Stuart Price + Fred Falke
Someone from Hot Chip
Pop masterminds behind Milke
Tiga in disguise
Paul Epworth
All of the above – said producers have actually united to form an electro mafia, officially owned by Tesco
None of the above – it’s two guys who have no link or musical past whatsoever who have cleverly created a mystery out of nothing, proving how superficial, pathetic and obsessed with celebrity we all are, and how we don’t actually give a shit about the music, man, but simply the music man…
 
Answers on a postcard* please.

*Actually just the comments box, I just wanted to have a snappy last line and use the ‘answers on a postcard’ ‘joke’. Obviously I’ve now achieved neither… ARHGGGHHHH MIND FUCK EXPLOSION

Monarchy Autumn 2010 Mix by DeathDisco

The Faint – The Conductor (Thin White Duke remix)

Cassius – Feeling For You (Les Rhythmes Digitales Remix)

Scissor Sisters – Any Which Way (Tensake Remix)

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4 Responses to A ROYAL ISSUE: WHO ARE MONARCHY?

  1. jiminy cricket says:

    the fact of the matter is, monarchy are divine. they sound like soap, when you clean your hands, just after you have a shower and hop into the bed for the evening,

    that i think is monarchy. they are clean

    when i first realised that the masks were on, i thought, is that a bit odd, and harsh?

    then a s time passed, i just got lost in the dreamy light and colour and SOUND of it all

    i know one thing, and i know it well

    music

    is the most beautiful music in this world?

    where are we??

    are we in the stars and in the sunshine, does this planet have a car? pumping toxic exhaust and foam into our water ways and esturaries?

    just ssaying

    i know we are dying, cause i got out a lettuce, it must be what 3 days old, but how did it perish

    it will not really do, at all

    and i know that i am sand and straignt, and songs are al la

    and a ra and na, la la pa pa ta xxo hugs monarchy i ❤ you , , please 🙂 la

  2. Pedro Pan says:

    Even operating on a strictly need-to-know basis, I MUST know if Stuart Price is in Monarchy! How will we find out? Does anyone have X-ray vision goggles? Or will it have to be the ol’ fishing rod toupee trick to whip those ruddy masks off at Death Disco? And will there be Paper Faces underneath?

  3. Miriam says:

    Hi Glisco

    I read on Facebook that Monarchy is Niall Walker and Jolly Roger: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=481483385335&set=a.481483365335.292801.136121010335&comments&alert&notif_t=photo_comment_tagged
    I don’t know much about them. I read in the Evening Times yesterday that Niall Walker is William Chambers’ marketing manager?

    Love Miriam xx

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